A Peace to Embrace

It had been a series of difficult days as Carly had been in the hospital. Considering her diagnosis of Trisomy 18/ Edward’s Syndrome several months before her birth, she had been exceptionally healthy. Her chances of making it to her 1^st birthday were less than 10% due to abnormalities affecting every single one of her cells; their code mutated at conception. Here she was, several months after her 7^th birthday, recovering from an unfortunate setback and was about to be released from Nemours Children’s Hospital. I recalled the time the dentist told an assistant, “You are in the presence of a miracle,” as Carly was being treated at his office, as I drove the 45 mins to my place of employment, Finegan Elementary School. The afternoon was beautiful as I turned into the parking lot that is surrounded by an oak hammock of towering trees.  One even hosted a nest of osprey. My eyes blinked at the exposure to the sunrays coming from the west.

I felt a tad out of place as I approached the front door knowing that at this time of the day, the students were home and many of my friends on staff had left for the day. My mission was to prepare for my next substitute as Carly would need several days of convalescence before she would be strong and healthy enough to return to her school.

I walked into my dear friend, Donna Davis’ office. She had concluded a day of meetings for special students requiring IEPs (Individual Education Programs). She was still there adding notes and the final touches to the required paperwork. She was seated as I began brimming over with the thoughts perplexing my mind. “I’m okay if she stays. I’m okay if she goes”. I don’t know why I would think, much less speak a thing like that. I have fought for her for so long. I am always careful to frame my words expecting miracles and life for her. I have never even thought about her death, except right before she was born. Pedscare (The pediatric hospice) required me to make a plan in case her birth did not go well. I have fought over and over, again for her life. I have focused there even when circumstances were really tough. I have always believed. God has granted her so many miracles. What is wrong with me?”

My soft spoken, wise friend, looked right at me and answered, “There is nothing wrong, Debbie. God is giving you, His peace.”

 I retorted, “I don’t think like this. I don’t talk like this. This is not me! Where is this coming from?”

“You are saying that whether she lives or dies, you are okay.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. But this is not what I am usually feeling or saying. This is not how I think. This is very strange! I do not like it!”

“No, Debbie, it is not strange. God is giving you a gift. It is the gift of peace no matter what happens. It is a wonderful thing to have. It is from Him and it is yours. I think it is a very good thing to have that kind of assurance. Accept it.”

God was shifting me and I was in a new place. It felt strange and awkward, but nevertheless it was from Him. Less than a month later, in the middle of the night, my fragile daughter was ushered into eternity surrounded by a troop of angels, and I suppose by Christ Himself. Healed forever, basking in His glory, she is eternally rewarded for her short, challenging life in her less-than-optimal earthly body. She is forever a joy, a blessing and a miracle.

This story took place ten years ago. Whatever the circumstances that you are grappling with on this day, I hope you are contending for victory. It is true that God can do “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20). He can! Pray, believe, decree and declare the end from the beginning, but also be at peace even if the dish you are served is not the dish you desired.  I hope that you are finding that same gift of peace I found, thanks to Donna, being okay no matter what happens. Embrace it!

“Peace, I leave you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6