The River Bends

I was on a farm, preparing for a outdoor wedding, when the news came. Emergency was called because he was unresponsive. Unresponsive. Unresponsive. That word hung in the air like a fog impacting the vision of a driver on an unlit highway. Questions filled my mind. That word had implications, but I as of late have been trained by Holy Spirit to not jump to assumptions.

Years earlier I had met him on retreat in Saluda, NC. He was the leader and as such expected us to help in the kitchen. I loved that, though I had never had that requested previously. Since I only knew one other person there, I took to doing dishes like a duck to water. The large industrial sink with that accompanying sprayer faucet was to me like a sandbox would be to a child. In fact, this time away from my routine life was reminding me more of my childhood that any other spiritual gathering I had ever participated in. Even the leaders with us were required to help with the cooking and cleaning. Doug meant this! You would not be invited back if you did not comply. He was serious, and I believed him.

Everything about that weekend was simple, powerful and reenergizing. I went home filled with humility that someone like Doug had invited me into his dream, opening up the regional healing wells established by Miss Phoebe Sullivan in Saluda, NC. She was an illiterate daughter of former slaves, yet God moved mightily through her to heal thousands of people. The train carried many for round trip day excursions to obtain their miracle.

Several years later, Doug and Jennifer would establish River House a ministry that would foster God’s presence and the substance of those retreats into weekly meetings. The timing of that ministry coincided with a monumental providential shifting in my life. My medically fragile seven-year-old daughter, Carly Joy, had recently moved to heaven. Her life was proclaimed by medical professionals of several fields as a miracle. Still, she had run her race and finished her course. The paradigm shift that occurs after such a loss is challenging to describe especially when you are a caregiver to a child with special needs. As often as possible, I would attend River House to heal and mend, grieve and grow. I really could care less who was in the house, or who was seated to my left or to my right. Julie True tapes would roll and I would be enveloped by His kindness, goodness and love. And at times, in those early months of great loss, I would have a glimpse of my baby girl in the supernatural. The vestiges were so faint. Had I not been so well trained to pay attention to them, I would have missed it.

What do you say to daughters and sons of The King, like Doug and Jennifer Snead, that steward His presence so well in a lost culture and generation? You tell them, “Thank you” as often as possible.

I truly became convinced of the amazing restorative journey that God personally designs in a process named, “grief”. About at the year marker of Carly’s angelversary, a term used amongst trisomy circles, I felt like I was finished. The pieces of my broken heart in losing her were mended. God had gently reorganized my life and the joy of her life would be the first response on almost every occasion.

On the heels of that triumph came another great tragedy. My husband moved out and the forever re-shuffling of my family began. Divorce is a terrible thing. Broken vows, a shattered covenant. It is not of God. Damaged emotions (usually from unresolved childhood issues), free-will, and thousands of decisions cause it. God in His word gives exceptions and He qualifies it, “Because of your hard hearts”. At the onset of this new trauma, Doug and I had a life altering, brief conversation. During it, he simultaneously comforted and challenged me with one profound, unsettling comment: “Deborah, I don’t care if you stay married. I don’t care if you get divorced. I have no dog in this race. The thing that concerns me is that no matter what happens to your marriage, I want you to come out whole.  Put your energy behind figuring out what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Do that over and over again.  Wholeness for you is my desire.”

It took me a while to process his advice. The word WHOLENESS penetrated deep in my spirit.  It was a powerful, substantial concept. Wholeness was a great idea in the midst of radical instability and frightening unknowns. If I knew the target, I could hit it. Wholeness became a touchstone in the months and years ahead. Doug’s advice to me was his aspiration for just about everyone. At River House, we are both partakers and administers of inner healing. This is a process where several prayer ministers work together to listen closely to Holy Spirit’s direction in bringing hope and restoration when life’s difficulties ensnare us to a degree. It worked for me and I have the joy of helping others in the same manner.

Doug Snead was a giant of a man in the sense that he embodied two character traits that are all too rare in American society as of late. He was both humble and filled with integrity. He felt that meetings should not be places that one or two people did all the work and the rest of us watched in awe, realizing we would never be able to do “that.” Quite the contrary, he felt that God could work though all of us collectively and get much more done, if no one person needed the sole credit. He trained us to listen to Holy Spirit for direction, before offering to pray or lay hands on someone, or anything else. As such, Friday night gatherings were always amazingly powerful and diverse! I have seen many amazing supernatural occurrences of physical, spiritual and emotional transformations.

I am immensely grateful to God, in His sovereign care for me, that He put me on a path toward River House. Personally, I would not wish on my worst enemy, some of the challenges I had to face back to back. As it is, I am honored that God trusted me to cling; cling to the cross and not let go. I think there are splinters in my hands. Because of wholeness, my life is a powerful combination of broken but beautiful. If any good comes from my experiences, if any lasting ministry, I want it known now that Doug and Jennifer Snead will deserve a high billing in the credits.

Doug is now enjoying the intimacy with the Almighty that he knew here well, yet dimly as in a mirror. Imagine what joy it is for him to discover the mysteries and the wisdom of heaven, surrounded by angels and loved ones, unencumbered by the constraints of a human body. The river will roll on because Doug trained us well. In his absence, lives will continue to be impacted. “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit.