Carly Joy, When I Think of You

Five months before Carly was born, we were fully aware of just how fragile life could be. She was placed into a pediatric hospice program while in utero. Trisomy 18 would impact every cell of her body. She would be “A Special” in every sense. The doctors collectively held out little hope due simply to the prognosis. Over and over again I processed terms like, “death” and “incompatibility with life.” I knew in my heart that she was already very much alive. Still, their words stung and required a great deal of processing time and effort. A wise friend told me, “In your spirit, you have to see her alive.” I allowed myself to dream about just that, her life outside of the womb. This poem is the result of that space of hope that I allowed myself to explore. It was written three months before her arrival. She lived seven and a half amazing years for which we are all grateful. She was, is, and remains a JOY forever!

Carly, when I think of you , I think of movement, beauty and grace. I think of red hair and curls. I think of God’s power and my weakness.

When I think of you I think of life…health…sickness…death… Jehovah Rapha, the Great Physician, dancing in the hem of His robe. I consider we are ALL born to die, and I am not afraid. I ponder the fragility of life, the desire to live, and the faith to trust in the One who has already recorded every day of your life before ever one of them came to be.

Carly, you bring me joy, laughter, and tears. You touch my heart deeply and require me to live within my Strong Tower. There is no better place to abide. I am not ashamed. I am not afraid.

My strength may fail, but God’s will not. The riches of Christ Jesus Himself are meeting every need you have, every need I have, daily! Wow, an empty tomb, a Risen Lord, and by His stripes we are healed! We are hidden beneath His wings.

Carly, you are precious. You are loved. You were chosen before the foundation of the world to rule and reign with Christ.

Janae colors and thinks of you. Kathryn prays and thinks of you. Daddy plans and thinks of you.

You and I go lots of places together and Jehovah God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob meets us there. Everywhere we go He is there.

And I pray: His kingdom come. His will be done (for you) on earth exactly like it is done in heaven. And (Psalm56:12) That He will deliver your life from death. Yes, and our feet from falling. That you may walk before God In the light of life and of the living.